As human beings we are taught to think, act and just BE in very specific ways due to our cultural, societal and family values. We spend the whole of our lives attempting to fit into the box that others tell us to fit in and wonder why the majority of us are overweight, unhealthy, diseased, lost, confused and just plain miserable.What's really sad is knowing that most people are living in the illusion of happiness because they "fit in" but deep down inside random illnesses develop as a way for the body to deal with the underlying sorrow one feels. These distorted views create a feeling of victimization and we begin to hold internal grudges when someone doesn't behave the way we wish they would. Essentially we are all fighting to just be ourselves but can't so we project it out onto the world around us.
This past weekend was monumental in the scope of my spiritual evolution. I embarked on a three year journey at the University of Santa Monica in the Spiritual Psychology program and can already see the benefits of a pivotal program such as this in my daily life. Conceptually the program is aimed at showing us how to be better at loving ourselves and to be authentic but experientially we dig deep into the core of our being to decipher the real reasons we are being held back.
Over the years we build up beliefs that shape the way we see and feel the world around us but these distortions can cloud our thoughts with judgement and fear. As we all know, baggage is a leading cause for many issues with intimacy in relationships both friendship and romantic. Our self-judgements cause us to judge others and we end up not even taking a chance on trusting anyone for fear of getting hurt. Truth is...you can only trust someone to be exactly as they are...period. When we typically trust someone we are making the assumption that they will behave in a way that is suitable and acceptable to our perceptions of how one should act. This includes ourselves. The word "should" is the issue!
At the core of every human being there is only love. It's the perception filters that we develop over time that cause us to see only the bad in others causing a strong web of emotional associations that prevent us from total happiness. When you think about the innocence of a child, you see they're born with no judgment, no color lines, no fears...this is all programming. At this point the word "forgiveness" comes in to play. We must find a way to forgive the person who wronged us or make them apologize in order to move on with our lives, but this comes to be very difficult for many people. Why? Because the root of the issue is still our perception, not their action. We "trusted" them to behave in a certain way and they did not so we feel hurt. It's our choice to react or not react in this way.
Ask yourself "what value does holding on to this hurt have for me?" and take a look deeply into how much it is costing you to house that hurt inside of you. You see, most people hold on to those feelings because they don't value themselves enough to prevent that negativity from entering into their hearts. We begin to identify with the victim role and end up attracting people and situations that validate our victim perception. Do you see the pattern and how far this pulls us away from the core of who we all are?!?!
So here's my suggestion for the day: go back to all those memories and forgive yourself for ever buying into those distorted perceptions of yourself and others. Forgive yourself for expecting that things should or should not have been a specific way. Begin to find ways to have compassion for your journey and the journey of others. Know that healing does not start with an apology from someone else, it begins with you and your view of it. Ego likes to tell us that they must be the ones to apologize for hurting us but in truth we must learn to simply let go of the expected outcome in order to heal.
